Cough Up: Mr.Williams, letter

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Mr.Williams, letter

I had a cough like yours for several years and tried everything. But for the past five years or so I've been taking morphine tablets, twice a day as prescribed by my doctor, and I don't cough any more. They're very small, low-dose tablets and have no other side effects. If I stop taking them the cough comes back. The cough seemed to start after I had chicken pox about 8 years ago.

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Odd ideas

"Wear a Darth Vader Voice Changer Mask ... it'll distract from the coughing and hide the chewing!"

"Give up drinking Coke! (I don't anyway)

"... it's a fur ball, like my cat gets - someone should give you a slap on the back!"

"A girl I know who was constantly coughing was found to be eating her own hair while asleep, so you might want to consult a sleep therapist… or a barber."

"Take down your net curtains!"

"Eat three bananas a day."

or "four lemons"

or "10 dessert spoons of extra virgin olive oil!"

"Surround yourself with spider plants.."

Cough jokes - because we need to keep a sense of humour!

...John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired. "He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough," Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will," John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough!"

Next: not a joke, but these emails made me laugh on the Manchester Evening News website when the story first appeared:
"I can help this man. I need his address. I have a electronic device which will surely help him to cure from this caugh. If anyone can give me his address, i can post the device for free. it can also help from various body pains including back pain." sadab, Dhaka, Bangladesh

"Thanks Sadab, they're known in the UK as cattle prods. Do send it to him though..."
Mr.Manchester

Cough Up

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Mr.Williams, letter

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Cough jokes - because we need to keep a sense of humour!